What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
