You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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