remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
