Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
