pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
