HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
