You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
