I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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