It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
