so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
