listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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