We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
