we have officially lost it.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
