guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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