The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
