He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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