yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
