I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
