The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
