I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
