So drunk its hurt
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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