his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
