Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
