The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
