She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
