So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
