Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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