in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
