she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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