My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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