So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
