Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
