He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
