i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
