my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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