As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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