Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
