How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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