worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Did I show you my penis last night?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
