Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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