i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
