No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
