Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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