Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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