woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
