I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
