Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
