How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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