dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
