Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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