Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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