I skipped work to stalk him.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
