what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
